Author Topic: Asstuna's rants  (Read 30802 times)

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Offline seat safety switch

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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #425 on: February 13, 2019, 03:04:46 PM »
I think the better question is what would Asstuna be doing if he stayed in Australia?

All this is very reminiscent of several episodes of Rake that I have seen. They really captured the spirit of Australia didn't they?
I thought it was very unrealistic that the first episode focused on a world-renowned professor of economics who is also a cannibal.

Australia doesn't have professors.

Offline Asstuna

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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #426 on: February 14, 2019, 08:48:18 AM »
Hey sleepy, don't keep your tubes of toothpaste and similar in appearance heat rub next to each other on the bathroom counter.


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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #427 on: February 14, 2019, 08:57:45 AM »
Did you ditch tiger balm after the ball touching incident?
If the sea was vodka, and I was a duck.
I would swim to the bottom, and drink my way up.
But the sea isn't vodka, and I'm not a duck.
So give me the vodka, and stfu.
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Offline seat safety switch

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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #428 on: February 14, 2019, 09:14:23 AM »
K, Y did you ever put them together in the first place?

Offline Asstuna

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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #429 on: February 14, 2019, 09:22:08 AM »
Did you ditch tiger balm after the ball touching incident?
This itshay is the hottest I've ever used... and yes, I have accidentally hit my oosterray with it in the past. No Rathburn, it wasn't intentional.


K, Y did you ever put them together in the first place?
I saw what you did there.

Offline Asstuna

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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #430 on: February 14, 2019, 09:27:05 AM »
Something SSS would write about Cramer's Atomic Balm:

Quote from: an Amazon review
Have you ever taken a bite of pizza as soon as it hits your table and then the roof of your mouth starts to melt like some witch’s wax candle on Devil’s Night? Well this stuff makes all of your arms feel like that. All of them. It’s like putting your muscles in the microwave with some metal forks, a Chihuahua, and about thirteen Hot Tamales and then setting the timer for forever. It’s that feeling you get after having spending a week on a desert island with nothing but a used tissue to cover your skin and then deciding to get a tattoo of Van Gogh’s The Potato Eaters across your chest. It’s like shaving with a dull razor and then pouring alcohol all over your face. And then lighting yourself on fire. You slap some of this gelatinous magma on your thighs and the next thing you know you’re recreating the death of the T-800, except instead of a thumbs up you’re trying not to get this congealing spread of orange hate into any open orifice. This stuff could start a small block Chevy just by being rubbed on the hood. It’s probably what killed the dinosaurs, and melted whatever is left of Mickey Rourke’s face. I once tried putting a dab of Atomic Balm on a strained pinkie and three minutes later I was playing strip charades in Hades and winning. Basically, if you want your muscles to feel like you’ve left them in the oven on broil while repeatedly ladling boiling motor oil all over your skin, then this product is probably too strong for you. To use this you need brass balls you can take off, put in a drawer, and leave them there for a week or two until the Atomic Balm wears off, because lord knows you don’t want this gelatinized paste of sweltry slag touching your dangly bits. I sometimes lather my entire body in Atomic Balm and spend the weekend pretending to be my least favorite superhero; the Human torch. Use this if you want to max out your pain tolerance or maybe, I don’t know, loosen up some muscles before you coast on the elliptical for an hour.

Offline Asstuna

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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #431 on: February 14, 2019, 09:30:16 AM »
Actually, I have the "Red Hot" which they don't seem to make any more :(

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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #432 on: February 14, 2019, 10:21:47 AM »
K, Y did you ever put them together in the first place?

mixing this up with lube would be
a next level of



wow

lolol

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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #433 on: February 14, 2019, 04:42:33 PM »
This itshay is the hottest I've ever used... and yes, I have accidentally hit my oosterray with it in the past. No Rathburn, it wasn't intentional.

It says right there "Medium", implying theres at least one higher level of intensity.
                    For a neat trick, apply a small amount to the outside of the condom.
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Offline Asstuna

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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #434 on: February 14, 2019, 06:33:11 PM »
Thanks for ruining one of the very, very rare times I buy my wife flowers. Here's your one star review:

Quote
The one time I buy my wife flowers for Valentines day they end up allegedly getting delivered to a house down the street because no-one answered the door. No note on the door (per your protocol). A call was made to my wife but no voicemail was left in this busy time of robocalls. You won't be getting my repeat business and I won't be recommending your business to friends as this has been a very disappointing experience for me. I'm out of town so I'm going to ask her to *go*look*for*her*own*flowers*. "Honey I bought you flowers for Valentines day but you need to go find them" has a rather disappointing feel to it, wouldn't you say? Here's hoping you sort out how to manage deliveries on one of the busiest days of the year.


Offline Asstuna

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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #435 on: February 14, 2019, 09:40:46 PM »
Update: luckily the neighbour who took delivery of her flowers was one of the good ones.

Offline Asstuna

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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #436 on: February 19, 2019, 03:55:11 PM »

Offline Asstuna

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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #437 on: March 11, 2019, 02:47:36 PM »
Quote from: an Asian guy I know about another Asian guy we know
***** was saying he was the best asian driver in Calgary. That's like saying he won the special olympics

Offline diamondedge

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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #438 on: March 11, 2019, 04:11:57 PM »


aiya
who stated such things
jellynuts?!

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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #439 on: March 11, 2019, 04:33:38 PM »
aiya
who stated such things
jellynuts?!

What's the matter with you?!  I'm insulted.

uckfay, Johnny with the back-handed slap. You're clearly the Oracle.

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Offline Asstuna

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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #440 on: March 11, 2019, 04:50:47 PM »
aiya
who stated such things
jellynuts?!
No, it was another rascist Asian in my circle of friends

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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #441 on: March 11, 2019, 04:56:46 PM »
No, it was another rascist Asian in my circle of friends

You're saying it wasn't me?!  I'm insulted. 

But no.  I didn't say that. 
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Offline Cagare

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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #442 on: March 11, 2019, 09:56:42 PM »
No, it was another rascist Asian in my circle of friends

You’ll have to be more specific, they are all racist.

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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #443 on: March 12, 2019, 09:35:35 AM »
No, it was another rascist Asian in my circle of friends

*Lacist

Offline darthekai

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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #444 on: March 12, 2019, 09:47:01 AM »
I cant tell if these are ironic or if this thread has gone off the deep end.  :-X
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Offline Asstuna

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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #445 on: March 12, 2019, 09:55:47 AM »
You've got a deep end

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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #446 on: March 12, 2019, 09:56:10 AM »
I cant tell if these are ironic or if this thread has gone off the deep end.  :-X

Why not both?
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Re: Asstuna's rants
« Reply #447 on: March 12, 2019, 09:59:54 AM »
What man put together, man can rend asunder and then also put it together sometimes what's all this left over stuff
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